Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think my moral compass just broke
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