i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
