he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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