And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
