I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
