you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
