"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
