slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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