My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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