Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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