I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
