for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
