i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
