My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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