They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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