I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
