You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
