I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
