I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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