im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
