I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
