I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
