come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
