I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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