So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She's the barista slut.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
