we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
