And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
