smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
