im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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