fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize