I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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