I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry about my life...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize