I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just googled if crying burns calories
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
