Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
