Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
