I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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