My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
