Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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