My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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