This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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