My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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