He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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