i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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