I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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