I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
