sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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