"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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