true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
