I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
