I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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