did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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