I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
