I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You are the jesus of drinking
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
