im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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