i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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