we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
