Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
