I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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