1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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