in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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