The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
