how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
