peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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