And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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