I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
