Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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