Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
