I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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