omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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