I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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