P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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