shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
