i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
