Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
