I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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