If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
