See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
