I could have mohawked her pubes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
