I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
